


Broken (ribs) oh even if it hurts so bad

by hc_whiplashed_ty



Series: How Dongsookie came to be Donghyuckie, and how Taeyong and Donghyuckie came to be. [1]
Category: NCT (Band), SM Rookies
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23627710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hc_whiplashed_ty/pseuds/hc_whiplashed_ty
Summary: Donghyuck always binds his chest at practice. He knows he shouldn't but he would rather get through the slight rib pains than let all his members know he's trans. It was bound to come bite him in the ass though.Or.In rehearsals for the rookies show, Donghyuck finds himself with an extreme pain from his ribs and difficulty to breath.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Lee Taeyong, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Taeyong
Series: How Dongsookie came to be Donghyuckie, and how Taeyong and Donghyuckie came to be. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1700797
Comments: 2
Kudos: 166





	Broken (ribs) oh even if it hurts so bad

**Author's Note:**

> I'm missing some Trans!NCT fics so imma make my own. Mi current biases are Hyuck and Tae so I figured I'd make them a couple lol. That's coming later though.
> 
> English is not my first language so i apologise if there are grammatical mistakes or if some ideas aren't so clear.

The pain from his ribs did not go away as Donghyuck was expecting it would the night prior. But he wasn’t going to give in. Not now. Not today of all days.

It was official. They were debuting. Some of them later than sooner but still. And the company had decided that the last promotional event they would hold as SM Rookies would be their rookies show. Then they would start preparing for debut. The announcement had come only 3 weeks ago, and they had been working their asses off. The only thing they had in mind was gathering as many fans as they could before actually debuting.

And today was the day that they were going to show the main producer in the company the whole run of the show.

“Why don’t we do the whole thing once?” Johnny proposed.

It was only a few hours before they were gonna present the whole performance to the PD so it wasn't actually a bad idea. They'd do the whole thing once, rest for half an hour and then correct the little details that still felt off. That would have sounded great if Donghyuck hadn't been in so much pain at the moment.

In almost 2 years his body hadn't betrayed him in the sense that he had always used his binder through hours of vigorous training even since day one. And nothing extreme had happened as of yet. He had only experienced the usual rib and back pains, but they were nothing to be concerned of since they usually went away after sleeping. And he didn’t have any rest from his binder even when they had a day off, because no one knew that he was trans, so he would often be around the dorms with his binder on too. The only ones who did know were their producers in the company and their managers because they had to, and Johnny found out because of an unfortunate accident with a lock on their bathroom, but after Donghyuck explained to him what was going on, he had promised that he wouldn’t tell anyone.

He had gotten really bad rib pains the day before their presentation but as always, he thought they would go away the next morning. Furthermore, he had been having a bit of trouble breathing since the week before. Honestly, he had actually been a bit worried about that since that had never happened to him but he didn't think much of it, and thought he would just fight through it.

And he was doing fine! They did the whole opening number and he even did good in the younger member's set, except that he made a few mistakes in their cover of Danger, but he would sort it out. He had to. They were watching Doyoung, Jaehyun and TaeIl perform Timeless when he felt like he couldn't do it anymore. He had to have a break, he had the feeling that otherwise something really bad was going to happen because he was sitting yet he felt like his lungs were refusing to expand properly, and he couldn't try to breath harder because the last thing he wanted was to attract attention to himself.

"Hyung, I'm going to the bathroom. I won't be long." He gently nudged Ten before standing up.

The Thai boy barely nodded in his direction before returning his full attention to the three people now performing on their rehearsal stage. Ten, just as everyone, was completely mesmerized by their three main vocalists.

Donghyuck excited the room as quickly as he could and walked in a fast pace to the bathroom where he locked himself in a stall. He had never done this before, he had never taken the binder off at his company but he had read on the internet that it is best to have a few breaks from binding during the day.

He took his shirt first and proceeded taking his binder off, placing both of them on the closed lid of the toilet sit.

He tried to take a deep breath.

Nothing.

It was still the same.

Another one.

Still the same.

His lungs couldn't expand properly. Taking the binder off wasn't making any much of a difference. Donghyuck was getting more and more panicked by the second. He tried coughing a couple of times but the situation didn't improve at all. What's more, the pain in his ribs only increased with every try to breath properly. Eventually, he did manage to take a full breath, however this full breath came with an unimaginable shooting pain that punched the inhaling in a whimpery sound and sprung tears to his eyes.

Meanwhile, back in the practice room, it was time to rehearse Under the sea, one of the numbers that included all of the members. They were all on stage when they noticed that Donghyuck was missing. Ten told the others that the younger one had told him he was going to the bathroom, but that it had been a couple songs ago.

Taeyong decided to go look for him, naturally being the almost-just-announced leader, and headed straight to the nearest bathroom in the building's third floor.

"Donghyuckie?" Taeyong asked worriedly after hearing an unsettling wheezing as soon as he opened the door.

Inside the bathroom stall, Donghyuck's mind went into overdrive. He quickly grabbed once again the binder and put it on, ignoring the more than painful protest from his ribs and lungs, causing him to whimper loudly and more tears to make their way down his cheeks. He proceeded to put on his shirt as well whilst a worried Taeyong asked him to please open the door in the most assertive voice he could manage through his worry.

Donghyuck managed to get rid off the lock and Taeyong gently opened the door for him to immediately receive an almost collapsing Donghyuck in his arms.

"What's wrong, Hyuck?" Taeyong's heart ached as he felt Donghyuck's hands clutching tothe sweatshirt he was wearing as his life depended on it.

"Hyung, I'm scared. I-I can't… I can't…" Donghyuck seemed to be having a hard time even talking so Taeyong tried to comforting running his hands up and down his back. "It hurts, it hurts so bad when I try to breath." He was panting, trying to get air into his lungs but he kept his breathing shallow so as to not make his ribs hurt more.

Taeyong shushed him gently.

"It's fine, you don't have to explain. I understand. We better get you checked out though."

Despite the confusion that first statement caused in Donghyuck, he focused on the second remark because of the very important performance that same day, it wasn't his intention to miss it.

"Hyung, but what about PD-nim?"

Taeyong shook his head while he broke the hug to look directly at Donghyuck.

"It's fine, he'll understand. We can postpone it. Our members' health is the priority. Can you walk?"

Despite his stubborn personality and his strong will not to disappoint his teammates and teachers, he was too exhausted, both emotionally and physically to argue with Taeyong so he just nodded tiredly.

Even if Donghyuck confirmed that he could walk, Taeyong supported him grabbing him by the waist all the way back to the practice room.

Curious eyes turned into concerned ones when the members took in the state in which Donghyuck and Taeyong were entering the room. Jeno, who was closer to the door, grabbed one of the folding chairs assigned to that particular practice room and placed it on the floor for Hyuck to sit in. The younger muttered a weak "thank you" to Jeno and to their leader who had helped him sit.

Taeyong placed a hand on Jeno's shoulder to guide him away from Donghyuck. And started quietly gathering his members to tell them part of what happened.

Donghyuck appreciated the quiet and even closed his eyes for a bit. But that even didn't stop him from crying quietly, because it was obvious that he had to tell Taeyong about why his ribs were hurting so bad. Or probably when Taeyong told the manager he needed to go to the hospital, their manager would tell him all about it. He was scared and anxious but the rational part in him told him their leader would probably understand.

Only a couple of minutes passed until he felt a hand gently massaging his scalp. It startled him a bit but he opened his red-rimmed eyes and looked up to find Mark smiling at him. The older one passed him a tissue and also grabbed a chair to sit at his side. Donghyuck tried to clean his face as much as he could and once he was done, he realized that Taeyong wasn't in the room.

Everyone else had quietly dissipated around the practice room, their leader had told them that Donghyuck may need a bit of peace right now, even if it sounded kind of weird given that he was quite the noisy person, he had only told Mark that maybe it was better that he went and made him company, but Taeyong also specifically told him to not burden Donghyuck with any questions for the time being. The only thing that the other members were doing was spare him worried glances once in a while.

"Were is Taeyong hyung?" Hyuck's voice sounded really hoarse from crying, which made the boy cringe a bit while Mark grabbed his water bottle from the table near-by and gave it to him.

The younger accepted it thankfully and nearly drank half the bottle on one shot.

"He went to talk to the manager hyungs to tell them what happened and that you need to go to the hospital."

One of the people that he admired the most was gonna know about it all. And what if he told the others? Would they see him differently? Would they not treat him the same? That made a few more tears appear in front of his vision and he willed them away, he didn't want to keep crying in front of all his friends. But it made him really nervous.

They didn't talk much for the next few minutes, but Mark placed his hand on the younger's thigh reassuringly. That fairly surprised Donghyuck, as he knew Mark really disliked skinship. Donghyuck did it regularly just to pick on him, and yes, a few times because he actually needed a bit of affection, but still. That little gesture caught him a bit off-guard.

When Taeyong came back he helped him up again from the chair. Donghyuck was looking for any sign of disgust or repel from the older one, but weirdly he couldn't find any.

"Manager hyung has already called your doctor. Everything will be very discreet, you shouldn't worry. Yeah?"

That confused Hyuck even more. He went to a private endocrinologist every three months to check on his hormonal treatment and see if everything was in order. This doctor was one of the few in Seoul who wouldn't give him any crap for being trans, the company had set him up with him when he had started his treatment, and the doctor had even agreed to discretion. One of their managers went with him every time he had to go in and usually his hyungs were told that he was in the doctor's for a routine checkup, which was true but they weren't really specific about it.

The whole walk through the building with one of their managers, both boys were quiet. Once in the parking lot, Donghyuck stared at Taeyong as he entered the car after him.

"Hyung, you're coming with?" He thought he'd only go with manager hyung but it seemed like Taeyong was showing both his leader and motherly side.

"Of course." Taeyong showed him a small smile.

The ride to the doctor's was particularly quiet. Donghyuck didn't know if he should make small talk or not, but considering that talking involved breathing a bit more, he ruled it out completely. He also saw that Taeyong wasn't asking questions or wasn't trying to tell him anything about the trans situation. He had expected him to do so because that was the deal whenever he had a coming out experience, his aunts were like that, his managers were like that, even Johnny was like that a bit. Instead Taeyong just looked out the window and at times he petted Donghyuck to comfort him.

Once they arrived at the doctor's office, they were quick to let Donghyuck in as they were there.

"Do you want me to come in with you, Hyuck?" Taeyong had asked with those puppy eyes that each and every single one of the members and even the managers found adorable.

Donghyuck could see that even if his hyung had just been told about the fact that he was transgender, the concern and worry in his eyes was still genuine. And truth be told, he was scared about what was going on with him, because he truly had never been through that situation before. And maybe it was his fault for making his body go to that extent of holding on for him. So the younger one nodded with a nervous smile painting his lips.

For the examination, he laid on the examination bed while Taeyong sat on a chair beside it. He had to take off his binder and shirt. He was trying to quickly think of how to tell Taeyong not to look, but the older one did that on his own, he turned around and closed his eyes.

“Hyung, could you give me your hand?.” A shirtless, scared, embarrassed, exposed and pained Donghyuck pleadingly asked when the doctor was starting to press on his ribs to assess damage.

Taeyong blindly extended his hand for the younger one to take and didn’t complain when he squeezed it as the doctor pressed where it hurt the most.

Taeyong only opened his eyes when after the doctor was over, Donghyuck told him he had already put on his t-shirt. Donghyuck thought that was kinda cute, but mostly he appreciated that his hyung didn’t try and glance at his binderless shirt-covered chest, not even out of curiosity.

"I think you've got a broken rib, Mr. Lee." Doctor Kim was always so respectful and cheery of Donghyuck. He truly was a good and understanding person and it soothe a bit of Donghyuck's fears from day 1.

Hearing the news made both boys’ faces feel cold.

"Fortunately it's only one. Even though I'm surprised that you didn't come in sooner. But the excitement for your show must have numbed a bit of the pain. It was only yesterday that it got bad, right?"

"I thought it would just go away on its own as always…" Donghyuck replied dumbfounded.

"It's only your right 7th rib that's damaged. I'm going to prescribe you some anti-inflammatories and painkillers. Given that you're a young kid you should be fine in a month. The rib will heal itself, however I'm afraid you won't be able to do any exercise for the time being."

That startled both Taeyong and Donghyuck, and the younger one was prone to ask:

"And binding?"

"I'm afraid you won't be able to use it either. That would cause you a lot of pain not to mention that it wouldn't help the healing process."

Silence for a few seconds. Taeyong didn't know what to say, and Donghyuck had only one more question in his mind.

"What if I just ignore it?"

"Donghyuck…" Taeyong said in a serious but pitying tone.

"I'm afraid that's not an option. Aside from the obvious pain, you would even be risking damage to your lungs because of the edge of the broken rib."

Doctor Kim as understanding as usual, convinced Donghyuck that this was for the best and that he would be performing again in no time. Even Taeyong put in some encouragement reminding him that the start of the shows was in a month and two weeks, and that he would be able to pull it off with the rehearsals that they had already done and the rehearsals in the last two weeks because of how much of a talented and dedicated kid he was.

As the doctor went to get Donghyuck's medication, the younger one was feeling self conscious about the fact that he would have to be without a binder in front of his members for a whole month. Usually the only time he was without a binder was when he was in his room with Doyoung and TaeIl who were his roomates. He took it off only when it was time to sleep and he always wore either a sweatshirt or a hoodie to cover himself. He was lucky that he was small chested, so he knew they didn't really notice anything. He would put on again his binder on before leaving his room for breakfast.

Being anxious, Donghyuck hadn't even stood up from the examination bed he had been laying on. He was only wearing a tshirt and he knew that if he stood up, his chest would be very visible and he really wasn't ready for any of his members to see him like this. Least of them all, his Taeyong hyung, whom Donghyuck really admired and truly loved.

They were silent for most of the time doctor Kim was away, besides Taeyong telling him that everything would be all right and that he wouldn't miss their show.

When doctor Kim came back, he gave them the medication and Taeyong started to stand up from the chair beside the examination bed. Donghyuck felt ready to cry again, it was just too much for him. He didn't want to stand up but he knew they had to go, Taeyong would probably want to go back to rehearsals with the others and Donghyuck didn't really wanna be more of a nuisance as he was already being. So he sat up on the bed slowly, back arched so that his t-shirt wouldn't stick so much to his chest.

"Here. Take this."

Taeyong started taking off his sweatshirt and gave it to the younger one as if he had been reading his thoughts.

Donghyuck was truly surprised at this action, Taeyong really seemed to get this even if he had only learned about who he was.

"Thank you." Donghyuck said sincerely.

The sweatshirt fitted him perfectly. It was actually a bit big on him since Taeyong was a bit taller than him, but that made it even better.

Taeyong took Donghyuck's binder and neatly folded it so he could take it in hand without anyone knowing what it was.

They exited the building and went back to the car, in direction to the dorms.

Donghyuck was kind of numb. He wanted to talk to his hyung, to ask him what he really thought of him, if he saw him still as a guy or if he just now saw him as a little girl dongsaeng who needed protection. But he figured he'd best wait until Taeyong dropped him off in the dorms to do so.

Once they were back at the dorms, Taeyong helped him to his room and got him his medicines and a bit of water so he could swallow his pills.

"Do you want to shower?"

Donghyuck arched an eyebrow hearing the question, while swallowing his last pill which was the painkiller.

"Aren't you going back to practice, hyung?" Taeyong shook his head and gave him a reassuring smile.

"I'm on babysitting duty." He said jokingly. "Besides, Johnny texted me, he said they would be back home in a couple of hours. Him and TaeIl will explain what happened to the PDs."

"I'm sorry, Taeyong hyung." Donghyuck directed his eyes at a random point in the room, avoiding Taeyong's confused gaze.

"What? Why are you sorry for?"

Donghyuck clutched the mug with water that was still in his hands after taking his pills. The guilt he had been feeling coming back to the surface.

"I don't know… For interrupting practice? For being… This."

It was always in the back on his mind, how if he had been actually born a male, most of his problems would be non-existent. He wouldn't have to wear a binder and hide from his hyungs; he wouldn't have to stab himself with a needle every month for the rest of his life; he wouldn't have to be anxious twenty-four seven in fear that his binder would show or that the little bump his binder left was noticeable.

"Donghyuckie. You have nothing to apologize for. The fact that you're trans doesn't make you any less of a man nor does it make you less valuable for this team." Now, that sprung more tears to his eyes. "And I shouldn't have let you go through this alone. It must have been pretty stressing. But you don't have to go through anything alone anymore."

Donghyuck wiped the few tears that were streaming down his eyes while directing his confused gazed towards Taeyong's direction.

"You didn't know, hyung."

Now it was Taeyong's turn to deflect his eyes.

"Hyuck. Please, don't be mad. But Johnny told me when he found out. He was concerned about you using your binder all the time because he had read you weren't supposed to. Please don't be angry at him, he was just preoccupied."

Donghyuck wasn't even feeling anger at that moment, he was just getting hit by the realization. He was a bit surprised that Johnny had even read more about it. But everything started making sense now. All of Taeyong's quick-to-understand words made sense suddenly. He hadn’t recently heard of it, he already knew.

One sudden panicked question arose to his mind though.

"You didn't tell anyone else, right? Not even this afternoon?" Donghyuck's panicky eyes searched Taeyong's while the other one returned his gaze to the younger and quickly shook his head.

“No, of course I didn’t. Not when Johnny told me and not earlier this afternoon. They are gonna have questions but it’s completely your choice if you want them to know or not. And if you don’t wanna tell them then we’ll make something up that will somehow explain how you broke your rib.” Taeyong placed a reassuring hand on Donghyuck’s shoulder and squeezed lightly while smiling.

“I actually wanted to tell Mark but never had the guts to.”

Donghyuck had wanted to tell his best friend about it ever since he had convinced his mom to start him on HRT at an average age for a teenage boy to start hitting puberty. But he was still scared that the older wouldn’t want to be friends with him anymore, given his religious background and raising, so he never had the courage to tell him.

“Maybe this is my chance to tell him…” Donghyuck lowered his gaze as he finished saying.

“It’s fine if you want to tell him. But don’t pressure yourself to it if you’re not ready, yeah?”

Donghyuck met his leader’s gaze once again and managed to smile at him whilst gently nodding.

“Now, how ‘bout a bath?” Taeyong asked again, now in a cheerful tone to try and lift the mood a bit.

Donghyuck laughed a bit.

“Hyung, are you insisting because you’re trying to say I smell bad?”

“Was I too obvious? I was trying to be subtle about it.” Taeyong joked back at Donghyuck and both rookies shared a much needed laugh.

Taeyong went off to prepare Donghyuck’s bath whilst the younger one tried to relax in his bed. The fact that Taeyong had reacted so well, the fact that he had known even from before and hadn’t treat him differently at all, plus that he and Johnny had actually done some research about it because they cared about him and what he was going through, gave Donghyuck a real sense of hope. Maybe if he told his members, it wouldn’t be so bad after all.


End file.
